Grateful Heart

03 Jan 2010 Leave a Comment

by irisheyes756 in Reflecting Pond Tags: , , , , , ,

As I drifted upwards from sleep to being awake today… through the murky thoughts between sleep and conscientiousness my mind began to sift through the past days. I came home on Thursday and I have not left my home. I spent it physically alone, no one in the apartment with me, but I was content, happy, and peaceful. I spent hours on the phone and computer talking to family and friends in my life, we laughed, cried, shared, listened, imagined, dreamed, and loved. I sang boldly the songs that touch my heart and it brought joy and a renewed resolution. I danced around the apartment to favorite songs feeling light-hearted and free.
This weekend has been life changing. I am fine, I am happy, I am content with who I am and where I am. This is an incredible place to be. How is it possible that just a few short months ago I was despondent, desperate, and depressed? I felt empty, abandoned, discarded, and worthless. I can say honestly that today those words do NOT apply to me. I have seen the quiet power of God and His Mercies take a broken fragile heart and begin to tenderly and gently comfort and bring healing. This quiet power of God was made manifest through the people that have stood with me as I journey down this path. As these special people listened and obeyed the nudging and prompting of the Lord, they played a role that provided an extraordinary support.
They are loved ones that have sacrificed time to spend countless hours listening, and to lovingly bringing perspective and truth. They poured themselves into me and held my hand to provide courage when mind faded. Their sustaining strength I gained from the innumerable prayers in my behalf.
This weekend I sat in wonder as I realized that am only able to see just a tiny glimpse of the Love that the Lord has for me.
The other day I was remembering the struggled that I faced. I saw myself as a child that was fighting an inevitable course. I saw the desperation, panic, disorientation, and the shouts of why.
Compassionately My Heavenly Father picked me up, and held on to me. He held me with strength yet powerfully tender, while I kicked and screamed. I begged Him to change the outcome, I pleaded for Him to act. He remained silent but the as He held me, he cried with me. Then after a time He whispered to me over and over, “I am here, I love you”. He lovingly allowed me to fight until I had no more strength. No longer did I ask why, no longer did I demand. My body relaxed in His arms, my head leaned against His chest. His gentle hands held me as I rested in His embrace. I continued to hear “I am here, I love you”. Then with an assuring tone He said, “You are not alone, I have been with you always. My Grace is sustaining you.” I rested for a time that I do not know, but I recognize, that I am being renewed and transformed by the Power of My Heavenly Father.
It is apparent, each of you has been a part of my journey, and your actions were instruments used by The Heavenly Father.
Your words to me were His words to me.
Your gentle embrace was His embrace.
Your patience as I fought and struggled was His patience.
Your kindness was His Mercy
Your support was His Grace.
I know that I have only begun my journey; I know that I will have to return frequently to the Father for guidance, comfort, and perspective.
I am grateful for each of you and the influential role that you have played in this very difficult process. No words could every express the incredible gratitude and appreciation I have for you.

Brenda 1/3/2010

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